Growing up

When you're a child, you think that everything comes from a tree.

Then when you grow, you learn that you're the one who must sow that tree. Later, you know that tree grows from a seed. When you grow up a little more, you realize that the tree grows differently depending the season in which you've sowed it. Time after, you learn that not every soil is optimum for every tree.

And when you became old, you know that not everything comes from a tree. And you've wasted your time sowing.

And now...

Now...? Everything ends...

The fallen leaves of those trees, they remind me where we end... Where we begin. Every feeling I've felt, it ends in a memory, a flash in the memory... The beauty of the enchanted moon, the wide ocean in front of me.

The wind blows more today; It forgets everything on his way... The poisoned flowers, -of course-... Nothing less than my heart fading away, again and again...

LyraGothe,,

A monster as a sickness

"Butterflies, a lot of dark butterflies flying over mi soul."

Will be darker this darkness? Oh, monster, oh monster o'mine. I hate you so much. Why you love me? Or why you hate me? 'Cause I feel like an angel was taking care of me, but he cannot fight against you. Hate+Love is not zero. Leave me alone then... I don't need you, no anymore. I want to open my eyes and see that there's something more. There is always sadness, confusion, anguish... But there's something more... I'm tired of shout when nobody is listening. I'm tired of listen when nobody is shouting. Dissapear monster, dissapear. Forget this soul and join another world. I will always keep flying. Of course I will. Just a breathe... Just a breathe...

Angel of desire, thanks for being here. You must know that I'll build up a new place with your magic, for you to come as a wanderer or as a God.

September; the longest Sunday of the year

"September Ashes". Summer ends, a new season arrives. I think that they are things that everyone needs, just to change our lifes. Like someone said "If that scares you it's because you must try it", and I really thing that we must. We must to have valour to have choices. By the way, this is the second time I read "The Alchemist". The Personal Legend. All of us have one, our big dream, our biggest fight. Damn it! We are fighting again. Like the most of the time, against us.
A lot of times I want to stop, and say a "shut up!" to my head. But it doesn't make anything. Damn it again! I must live with it.

"You need chaos in yout soul to give birth to a dancing star" Friedrich Nietzsche

I want to transmit to hundreds of lost souls this sickness

So... it's sad. But sometimes I think that is better. I don't know why. At least when I'm sad I'm in tranquillity. People upset me a lot sometimes... I don't know. It's just like everything had always to come to a bad end, and being this way I fell that at least I know what I feel and nobody can take me this off. It's a double-edged sword. Because life is not to live it this way... but that's who I am. And I am unable to forget it. I don't want their unhappy joy... I prefer my happy sadness.

Love, is the worst thief; he has stealing our freedom for years and nobody knows where he concealed it.

Stupid rigid structure... only thinks in sink.

I wish to fly, yet I'm swimming

"And day came with a new throne. It brought a new King. I was there and said: "I won't adore him...""

I get up drawned. I thought about all that light shinning in the night. How it blinded me. All the reasons that were hidden in that ray. That chain made me feel sick inside. Now, I see. But all I can see saddens me... Like mice in their own mousetrap. Worried about the fading sun until they die in their own lie. They get wet in the rain of the confusion cloud which emanate of their ill hearts. Money brings power; power brings misery. I think that I'm lost here. All illusions dying, heart fading... No helping hand that wishes to fly... Always away... The moon is hidden, but I reject the sun. A huge night of out stars and muted wind. A sad soul, but not blinded with lies.

Empty summer for an empty look.

Too lie to be truth

It's really a day?

"Hmph... mankind... a cesspit of hatred and lies! Fight for them, then, and die for their sins!" (Dracula, Castlevania Symphony of The Night)

I won't cry for anyone. I won't cry for anything. I'll just cry for me. I will bleed for my proud, for my soul. Ignorance blinds. Wisdorn just looks away. Mass never lead a soul, maybe a mind, and a lot of minds... Leading with their lies, everyone knows it, anyone minds it; but all will be forgotten. Would you bow down your head to be happy? You will love your chains, you'll create a sad hapiness. Your passion is dead. Your love is starving... These tears will let something grow far away from here. I will love my night, and my tears. I will love my solitude, even if it hurts... Because your hopeless joy... It's not for me.

Do you know the esence of your blood?

A tree with iced fruits

This day

"Bird don't nest, nor alight in the branches yet. Already anyone comes to sing 'em the lullabys which maked them sleep."

And one life cries when one dream dies. And the dream dies when there is no hope which keeps it up. Where does the hope that we create in our failed creations go? Will exist any place where we can find all that one day we've forsaken? And if it's true that oblivion does not exist, but ignorance. Why is so hard learn to ignore? We know that we can create ourselves believing in that we want to be, but we still haven't learned that we cannot change the world. We haven't learned to live with this guilty conscience either. The best thing we can do is escape. We let go out our dreams to prove that we're still alive in them even we feel that something dies daily inside us. Every time when an ilusion switches off, every time when a passion switches off... We can only escape. We know what is write under a iced tree of delusion, the value of a tear... Maybe we neither learn to ignore, nor to escape. Maybe we haven't time enought to learn to live either. Why am I this way? Because I don't find a place to rest. Because I want to change this world and every day I lose, I cry and I wish... Maybe I won't come to the end. But I'm owner of my magic. And of my best wish. In darkness, in pain, in sorrow, and in ease.

Dedicated to the Man with a God soul.

Who programmed me?

One day.

"You will change your way when all of your senses burn in the fire in which you will burn away."

You'll came out in the saddest sunsets. You'll return to smile from the obscurity. You'll find for a place to run away. And you'll came back with a new illusion. I know what I see. I know all there is. But I also know that there would be something more. That's the reason why I cannot stop seeking for it. And beacause of seek it, I forsake what I've already find out. I hate thinking that magic exists away from reality. I hate running away from reality and being happy with it. I don't know if it's really good search for so long. The only think I know is that life is too real, and magic is too tempting.

The problem is that I prefer looking at the mirror to looking through the window.

Behold the skies...

Everyday.

"I know I didn't finish being that what I dreamt about, but now I have the wings which one day I dreamt with."

Another moment beholding doubt. Another submission against doubt. Today I see a new horizont where I can stare. I only need open my eyes. Ice froze passion. And something died inside of her. And something new was born. Within all bad things, there is something good, and in all good things there is always something bad. In void all was born. I'll always have a Paradise within reach of mine. And anybody can't take me this out. Always, when agony reigns in the core of the insanity, it will exist a little sanity in the agony of the heart. And that's the reason of the will. And because of that, tomorrow I will be. Maybe the dream will became life. At the moment, another day behind the glass of patience.

For Draconian. And its poet Anders Jacobsson. Forever My Kings. My Kingdom of ease.

Let me see...

Yesterday.

"We aren't free because they don't let us. They don't teach us how to fly... So, what does it matter if we aren't what they expect us to be? We'll be angels under human skin."

The prize that you must pay... frustration. Trying that things turn out right, over and over again, withouth get it. Watching how time goes, and things don't turn out right yet. One day all will be with us. Today is a day for relax, without any thought. I don't feel like do anything. I only want to forget everything.

For each sunset which defeats daylight again.

And I drowned in a gothic embrace...

[...]

"I know that there is pleasure in living, and suffering in the pleasure... but I don't know why living is so frustrating..."

Today I was hoping a good new... But it seems not. If life decides to go to another way, it will take you. There's no rest. Whatever... Sometimes we need to take a deep breathe, and when things don't want to turn out right, they won't. So... that's life. Earthly fun, and free will: If you want to chose another way, then do it, but anyone can guarantee you that they will support you. Anyway, the one who wishes be special, knows why, and that's not forgotten with any failure. Pain sometimes show things that remember us why are we that way, and why we suffer. And if things want to turn out wrong, ther will. But I remember why it is that way. The prize you must pay.

It will be worst if you could watch Heaven's gates from Hell.

Don't broke this silence, it's mine.

"Was the person I saw reflecting in our mirror? Complex is release feelings in poetry. It seemed... but from far away."

Ups and downs.

It seems like everything changes. But no. All is the same. The only ones who change are us, and the way that we see the world around us. Tired of all. All is the same. Nothing changes. Whatever. The moment will come someday. But is inevitable, even we know that everything will be alright, until we don't see it, don't believe it. And that's it. The day will come. At the moment is only another day waiting for something. To find someone who really smiles. Anyway... Another day.

See. Will. Act.

One life to try it

Second day.

"There is something more than this, and the seat where I am. Do you know what day is today? Another day, as the others."

So yes. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. A little bit of hope for this path. Where do we go? And, for what do we walk, if even looking at past we do not feel pleased? That's all. And there are things that make the way more enjoyable. And for all that we exist, because of the things around us. 'Cause I feel that there's something that day by day keep up the hope, and whatever happens, it will be there. Because they are already things to discover and to live.

It's better to live in polluted air and be free, than to live among the pollution, in open air.

My prickly rose, bleed the one who touches it

First day.

"The sparckle of your voice keeps up awaken the angel who is still hidden in the clouds. Heaven is his prision, why don't you go up to pick him up?"

Sometimes is hard to breathe, 'cause all is ephemeral. And the days pass without bringing you anything. And someones leave, and others will came. And we all know that we don't miss something even we don't have it. But we haven't learnt how to apply it. But anyway, does life go on? Then that's all we have. Only go on for the good things. You must live for something, and you must die for something, even it is the same thing. As long as we have tranquility, the rest doesn't matter. As long we have hope, the rest doesn't matter. As long we have illusion, the rest doesn't matter. It's hard to think that life is sad... and live it at the same time. And at the same time, leave it is harder. And when silence is all... Darkness is mistery, and mistery is all that we want to discover. There are still things to do. For all the sad and human pain, and for all the love and hope, for all that we still have and we wish to find...

Dedicated to all we miss.